Hearts Are Often Broken by Words left Unspoken
by so lost so broken
Summary: "Arthur, m' tired," Merlin mumbled. Arthur closed his eyes as he barely held back a sob, not wanting to tell Merlin what he was about to. "Sleep then, Merlin. I'll wake you when we get back home." For words that were so final, Arthur wondered how his voice had sounded so strong. The two sat in silence for a few moments, both knowing that Arthur would not be able to keep his word.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.**

**Summary: "Arthur, m' tired," Merlin mumbled against his neck. Arthur closed his eyes as he barely held back another sob, not wanting to tell Merlin what he was about to say. "Sleep then, Merlin. I'll wake you when we get back home." For words that were so final, Arthur wondered how his voice had sounded so strong. The two sat in silence for a few moments, both knowing that Arthur would not be able to keep his word.**

**Author's note: Sooo, I haven't written anything in a super long time, and I just wanted to see if my writing is still up to par or not. I don't think I'm all that great at writing sad fics, but I thought I'd try my hand at it. I hope its ok? Thanks for reading!**

**Warnings: Major Character Death**

**XOXOXO**

Arthur didn't know where it all went so wrong.

They had all been fighting hard against Morgana and her army of men. Many good people died fighting for Arthur and the safety of Camelot, and for that Arthur would be eternally grateful. They would all get the proper burial they all deserved. However, it was the last person who fell that Arthur hoped he would _never_ have to bury for as long as he lived...

It had been a brutal fight, lasting for hours on end with no break from it other than death itself. Once most of Morgana's men had been wiped out, Arthur went face to face with the evil witch by himself. Very few words had been exchanged since he had not wanted to look at what once was his sweet, caring sister turned into such a spiteful, power-hungry savage.

As he had gripped the sword Merlin had given him tightly in his hands, Morgana's face morphed into one of her wicked smirks, which looked completely wrong on her face.

"Dear brother, you are surely a _fool_ if you think that blade will kill me. I'm a high priestess! No mortal blade will _ever _be the death of me."

Arthur felt like he should have been afraid of her words, but instead he felt nothing but pity for the damaged girl. She may have been his sister at one time, but greed and selfishness had corrupted her into a woman he no longer knew.

Arthur let out a humorless chuckle as he looked into Morgana's eyes. "Then I must be a rather wise fool, Morgana, for this is no mortal blade."

With that, Arthur drew the sword back, only to drive it forward once more, straight into Morgana's stomach. Morgana's eyes went wide and her mouth opened in shock, a small gasp escaping from her chapped lips. She stumbled backwards a few feet, clawing at the sword lodged in her body. After a few seconds, she fell to the ground, releasing one last shuddering breath before her body went still and the light dimmed behind her eyes.

"Goodbye, Morgana," Arthur whispered before carefully pulling the sword from Morgana's body and turning around to jog back to where he had left Merlin and Gwaine fighting a small pack of men.

A chorus of "retreat!" was heard somewhere far to his right, but Arthur didn't bother looking since he knew it was the last of Morgana's men scampering away for the last time. As he ran past a small grove of trees, he caught sight of pale flesh and a mop of dark hair, making a feeling of relief wash over him knowing Merlin was still up and moving.

As he ran closer, he could hear Merlin yelling words of the old religion right before he raised his right hand and a wave of faint blue light shot out, knocking over a few of Morgana's men.

Arthur could tell that Merlin was exhausted, both physically and mentally. He had used most of his stronger magic towards the beginning, draining his body of most of it's power.

"Merlin!" Arthur yelled as he came to a sudden halt by his manservant's side. He spun Merlin around to face him, gripping his upper arms tightly as he felt Merlin's body start to sag. "Are you all right?"

Merlin was breathing heavily through his mouth and his eyes looked as if they were having a hard time staying open. He had a small gash on the side of his head where blood was trickling freely down his cheek. There was also a tear in the side of his shirt where it looked as if a blade had nicked him, but only a little blood had been shed from that wound.

Even with his poor appearance, Merlin still managed to nod his head yes. "Never felt better," he muttered sarcastically, earning a small laugh from the King.

Arthur curled a protective arm around Merlin's waist so the sides of their bodies were pressed together, making Arthur's heart-rate speed up. "I killed Morgana with the sword you gave me. Now the rest of her men are retreating."

Merlin looked up at Arthur with a concerned look on his face.

"Are you ok?" he questioned in a serious tone.

"Merlin, I assure you that I'm fine. _You _however, look like you need to be cleaned up."

Merlin gave a small laugh before it turned into a cough. "Why, Arthur! I didn't think you cared," the sorcerer joked. Arthur chuckled along with him as he helped Merlin limp his way through the nearly empty forest, save for a few random knights.

"Of course I care, Merlin." _I care a lot more than you know._

Ever since Arthur had first laid eyes on Merlin, he had always felt something for the younger man. First, it had been extreme hatred. He had hated everything about Merlin, from his silly grin down to his idiotic comments. But somewhere and somehow along the way, his feelings had started to change.

He noticed that whenever he looked at his manservant, his heart would race like some love-struck girl, and his palms would get sweaty. What he used to think of as Merlin's silly smile suddenly turned into the most beautiful thing that he had ever had the pleasure to see. And what he thought were once idiotic comments were the only things that really kept him from going insane. Not to mention, they made him laugh, but he would never admit that to Merlin's face.

It had been about the third year that Merlin had worked for Arthur when the King suddenly understood.

He was in love with Merlin.

At first the thought sent a wave of panic through his body, but after he got used to the idea, he realized that nothing else would feel right. It may be highly frowned upon for two men to be with each other, but if he couldn't rule his kingdom with Merlin at his side, then he wouldn't rule with anybody else.

Merlin had now served Arthur for six years, and Arthur still hadn't told him yet. He had been more than tempted many times before, but he never did. He was afraid that Merlin wouldn't return his feelings for him, therefore making Arthur look like a complete fool and ruining their great friendship all at the same time.

So Arthur had just never said anything. He hadn't really planned on when he would either, but as he thought about how many lives had been lost because of this battle, he was reconsidering. Most of the dead men probably had families of their own who would be grieving over their losses before nightfall. This seemed like the best time out of any to tell Merlin how he felt.

"I think I hear the others," Merlin said, breaking Arthur out of his daze. The pair stopped, Arthur gripping Merlin's body to his chest without realizing it. He strained to hear any noise that was being made. He started walking forward once more as he heard voices, realizing they were now in the clearing where he had killed Morgana.

"Sire! Are you injured?" Leon yelled as Arthur helped Merlin hobble over to where the knight was standing with a few others.

"I'm alright. It's Merlin here that needs his injuries tended to. Where are all the other men?"

Leon looked sadly through the many trees before shaking his head. "Many of them have fallen, Sire. Men who are still alive chased Morgana's men away, trying to kill the few that remain."

Arthur nodded solemnly. He spied a drinking pouch sitting against a tree, so he carefully set Merlin on the ground next to it before shoving it into his hands.

"Drink some of this, Merlin. You look like you're about to collapse from thirst," Arthur ordered, holding Merlin's blue gaze with his own. Merlin nodded his head yes before he brought the water to his lips and drank deeply.

"Leon, you must go find the others. Tell them that we have won, and we can go back to Camelot now."

Leon nodded before jogging off through the trees to find his fellow knights.

Out of nowhere, a loud scream was heard. Arthur whirled around, only to see a small boy wearing a dark hooded cloak crouching over Morgana's dead body. Arthur recognized the boy. Mordred, his name was. He remember he had helped him once a long time ago.

The childs menacing dark eyes glared at Arthur from where he stood.

"You have killed Morgana, Arthur Pendragon," Mordred hissed, his voice laced with venom. "Now I shall kill you to avenge her death!"

Before Arthur had time to even process what was about to happen, Mordred held out both of his hands in front of his body and snarled out words to a spell. A ball of blinding red light hurled itself towards the King at an alarmingly fast rate.

Arthur didn't have time to react. He heard Merlin yell "No!" from behind him before he was pushed roughly to the ground from the side. He hit his head on the ground, making everything go fuzzy for a few moments. He shook it off before he looked once more towards where Mordred had just been standing moments ago.

He saw the flash of the dark cloak in the corner of his eye. He turned his head in time to see the boy running off through the trees. He only made it a few feet before a knight of Camelot shot an arrow at him, spearing him through the arm. A cry of pain sounded from his lips as he looked back at the King with slight fear in his eyes.

Then it was as if he had never been there at all. He slipped through a narrow path of fallen trees, escaping from everyone's sight. The remaining knights went to chase after him, leaving Arthur and Merlin by themselves.

Arthur was about to curse for letting him get away, but a small cough from behind him brought his attention back to the reason why he was sprawled out on the ground. He quickly twisted around on his hands and knees, only to see Merlin lying still on the ground.

"Merlin!" Arthur whispered in horror. He crawled over to the pale boy, noticing how his chest was just barely rising and falling. His eyes were closed, giving the illusion that he was dead, but Arthur knew he wasn't.

"Merlin," Arthur repeated again, in a gruff whisper. He was leaning over Merlin's angelic face, patting it softly with his hand. "Please, open your eyes."

He could hear the blood rushing in his ears as his heart threatened to pound it's way right out of his chest. He bit his bottom lip and he grabbed Merlin's face gently in both of his hands. He ran his thumbs over those sharp cheekbones that he had always so desperately wanted to pepper with light kisses.

He nearly had a heart-attack of relief when Merlin's eyes cracked open, showing Arthur the deep blue eyes he loved to stare into while giving him orders.

"Never thought I'd see the day when you said please," Merlin said in a strangled voice. Arthur let out a choked laugh, not even realizing a tear had escaped from his eye at the same time.

"Merlin, you _idiot_," he sniffed. "What did you do something stupid like _that _for?"

Arthur slowly sat back against a tree and pulled Merlin's small body into his lap, one of his arms circling around his waist in a protective manner, the other arm holding Merlin's head up so Merlin didn't have to exert himself with the little energy he had left.

Merlin coughed a few times and his body shuddered before he looked into Arthur's eyes. "If that spell would have hit you, you'd have died on the spot. It's poison works slower for people with magic."

Arthur stopped breathing for a moment. Merlin had said that it worked slower for people with magic. That meant Merlin was going to-

_No. _

Arthur wouldn't believe that. This was _Merlin _they were talking about. His goofy, lovable manservant whom was much more to Arthur than a manservant. He was his best friend. His most trustworthy friend. The man Arthur loved. Merlin was supposed to always be by his side, through thick and thin. It had been a wonder how Arthur had even gotten along without him in the beginning. A day without Merlin by his side was a day that was not worth living,

Arthur rolled his eyes to try and lighten the mood. "You're not going to _die, _Merlin. Don't be such a _girl._"

A small smile made it's way onto Merlin perfect lips, as a lone tear made its way down his pale cheek. That was Arthur's undoing. A sob broke from his throat as more hot tears made their way down the Kings face. He carded his fingers through Merlin's black locks, wanting to feel as much of Merlin as he possibly could at the moment.

As he looked into Merlin's eyes, he noticed that they were a lot dimmer than they usually were, but there was no trace of sadness or fear to be found.

Merlin shifted his gaze from the Kings face to the branches high above his head. He drew in a ragged breath before he started to talk.

"A-Arthur, serving you has truly been an honor. I w-wouldn't take it back for all the money in the world."

"Merlin," Arthur said, his voice cracking. "I'm not going to let you die. I'm going to bring you back to Gaius, and we're going to fix you. You know why?"

Merlin slowly shook his head no.

Arthur gave him a watery smile. "Because... because I love you, Merlin. I'm _in _love with you, Merlin. And damn it, I'm not going to let you die on me!"

With that, Arthur drew in a shaky breath before he brought his own lips down to barely brush against Merlin's. He pulled back a few inches to see the pale boys reaction. Merlin had a faint smile on his lips, and his eyes were heavily lidded, causing Arthur to swoop back down and press his lips against his firmer than last time.

The kiss made every cell in his body come to life. He felt small jolts of pleasure run up his spine, and white sparks flashed behind his closed eyelids. He knew he had limited time, but he couldn't help but want even more. He wanted to taste every inch of Merlin's skin, to find all of the soft spots that would make him sigh in pleasure, to kiss those lips until Merlin was flushed and breathless.

As he pulled away, he pressed a trail of kisses down his jaw, to the creamy flesh of his neck where his red neckerchief sat at the hollow of his throat. He placed deep kisses to his forehead and his cheekbones, feeling wetness on his lips when he pulled away. Whether they were his own tears or Merlin's tears, he could not tell.

He could feel the life leaving Merlin's body as he grew heavier and heavier in Arthur's arms. Arthur looked one last time into Merlin's beautiful blue eyes that held flecks of gold within them. He pulled Merlin's body against his chest, not wanting to ever let him go.

Merlin slowly lifted a hand to brush away the tears resting on Arthur's cheeks. "It's ok," Merlin whispered before he used the last of his strength to snuggle into Arthur's chest, his head resting in the crook of Arthur's neck.

Arthur gently rocked him back and forth as Merlin's body started to tremble. He rubbed his back soothingly as he gently hummed a lullaby in Merlin's ear that his father used to sing to him when he was a baby.

"Arthur, m' tired," Merlin mumbled against his neck.

Arthur closed his eyes as he barely held back another sob, not wanting to tell Merlin what he was about to say. "Sleep then, Merlin. I'll wake you when we get back home."

For words that were so final, Arthur wondered how his voice had sounded so strong. The two sat in silence for a few moments, both knowing that Arthur would not be able to keep his word.

Arthur could feel one of Merlin's hands cling to his shirt in a weak grip. Arthur replaced the shirt with his own hand, lacing their fingers together and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

Arthur felt Merlin's head move, only to feel a feather light kiss be placed on his jaw. Merlin rested his head back in the crook of Arthur's neck.

Merlin drew air into his lungs before he whispered, "For what it's worth, I love you too, Arthur."

As Merlin released his last breath, Arthur felt his little body go still. There were no more puffs of light breath being blown across his neck, and Merlin's hand was limp in his own but he didn't dare let go. Instead, he buried his head into Merlin's dark locks and cried.

That was how all the knights eventually found him.


End file.
